The Gym
The Gym
Well it's a brand new year and I just wanted to spend a couple of minutes talking to those people who sign up every year at the gym as part of a New Year's resolution to get fit. First let me tell you newbies that you're most likely not going to last. You're going to go at training all wrong, over do it and hurt yourselves. Those of you that make it to the ides of March will be bored by the sameness of the routine and will be lucky to have not injured yourselves. Those that make it to the summer will start exhibiting chronic injuries and will soon be too hurt or too discouraged to continue.
You're essentially doomed so please don't waste your time. People who know what they are doing are patiently waiting to use the equipment and they will be seasoned enough to know to put the weights back and clean the sweat off the machines when they are done. But thanks for paying the gym all that money. It helps pay for the hot water and new equipment.
Seriously just a few things can really help if you're just starting out. So let me fill you in so you have a chance of making it for the first year. Chances are if you can hang for a year, you'll start getting good results and you will be feeling the change. So listen up newbie's:
1.. Get some training. No you don't have to sign up with Buffy and her $300 workout program. Your junior college has a good program and is only about 60 to 70 bucks. You can also get a book. There are many good books on strength training, cardio training and stretching. Note: Getting your buddy from Wrestling team in the 10th grade to spot you is not the same as having a trainer. But if you learn some good stuff be sure to share it with him.
2.. Yes you need cardio. You want to be another fat guy with big arms? No one will even notice you went to the gym. Get 12 to 30 minutes of cardio for every strength workout you do. A strong heart and lungs is the core of a strong body.
3.. Yes sit-ups. Crunches, inverted hangs, whatever you do, just get some strength in your core. No sit-ups won't "burn fat" off of your midsection. If you want be thinner do cardio. But if you're lifting 50 to a hundred pounds and you have flabby stomach muscles you are just asking to screw up your back. Build from the ground up buttercup don't put it all on your poor spine to take the weight.
4.. Start small. Don't rush out to the weight room and pick up the heaviest dumbbell you can lift and start swinging it around. Work in a comfortable weight zone. Lift and carefully lower the weight through full the range described in training. Do three sets of 8 to 12 repetitions. The same with cardio: Start at about 12 minutes and slowly bring up the speed and length of time. The same for all cardio trainers, stair steppers, treadmills, cycles and rowers. Ease into it, set the machine below halfway and see what you can easily do before you start ramping it up.
5.. Unless you want that fresh "I never worked out a day in my life" look, go for sustainable workouts, ones you can repeat every other day. If you get up the next day and you hurt like hell you've overdone it. You've also just convinced yourself that working out hurts and eventually your body is going to win the argument that you should not do things that hurt. My motto: no pain - good! A good workout should have you feeling a little stiff once in awhile, but you'll be back. I've been in the gym over 2 years now and I've seen hundreds of people come and go and I can count on my 2 hands the number of people who still are there.
6.. Lastly, do it for you. Quit looking in the mirror you dumb poser, everybody just thinks you're an egotistical nut bag. Breath the air, feel the movements and try to understand the muscles you're using when you lift, (or run, bike, push, pull etcetera). The next time you move the sofa to vacuum or climb a ladder think about how much easier it is because you spent some time in the gym. That's the payoff. Trying to out macho the other guys at the gym by picking up too large a weight just makes you look like a fat undertrained dork. The pay off is personal. Recognize that and you will be a pleasant person in and out of the gym and your workouts will have a big effect on your self esteem.
Well I lost many readers with the third paragraph because they saw on the internet that they could be ripped and get that great 6 pack in only 3 weeks if they took a drug or did 3 easy workout recommendations (purchased for about 20 to 30 bucks). Good luck with that guys. Did you notice that the before and after examples of guys who did this were both equally as unpleasant before they got "ripped" as they were after? Somehow going from an angry marshmallow to an even angrier looking injured guy with a six pack set of abs really sort of misses the point doesn't it? Unless your goal is to be an evil man in a mask on the WWF channel, and those guys on WWF have real muscle tone and they'll kick your ass if you tell them you drank Bob's Super Goo to get muscles, just on basic principle. If it's too good to be true, it probably is.
Good luck. See you at the gym, and puh-lease, will you put the damn weights back on the rack when you're done? Your mama doesn't work here.
Well it's a brand new year and I just wanted to spend a couple of minutes talking to those people who sign up every year at the gym as part of a New Year's resolution to get fit. First let me tell you newbies that you're most likely not going to last. You're going to go at training all wrong, over do it and hurt yourselves. Those of you that make it to the ides of March will be bored by the sameness of the routine and will be lucky to have not injured yourselves. Those that make it to the summer will start exhibiting chronic injuries and will soon be too hurt or too discouraged to continue.
You're essentially doomed so please don't waste your time. People who know what they are doing are patiently waiting to use the equipment and they will be seasoned enough to know to put the weights back and clean the sweat off the machines when they are done. But thanks for paying the gym all that money. It helps pay for the hot water and new equipment.
Seriously just a few things can really help if you're just starting out. So let me fill you in so you have a chance of making it for the first year. Chances are if you can hang for a year, you'll start getting good results and you will be feeling the change. So listen up newbie's:
1.. Get some training. No you don't have to sign up with Buffy and her $300 workout program. Your junior college has a good program and is only about 60 to 70 bucks. You can also get a book. There are many good books on strength training, cardio training and stretching. Note: Getting your buddy from Wrestling team in the 10th grade to spot you is not the same as having a trainer. But if you learn some good stuff be sure to share it with him.
2.. Yes you need cardio. You want to be another fat guy with big arms? No one will even notice you went to the gym. Get 12 to 30 minutes of cardio for every strength workout you do. A strong heart and lungs is the core of a strong body.
3.. Yes sit-ups. Crunches, inverted hangs, whatever you do, just get some strength in your core. No sit-ups won't "burn fat" off of your midsection. If you want be thinner do cardio. But if you're lifting 50 to a hundred pounds and you have flabby stomach muscles you are just asking to screw up your back. Build from the ground up buttercup don't put it all on your poor spine to take the weight.
4.. Start small. Don't rush out to the weight room and pick up the heaviest dumbbell you can lift and start swinging it around. Work in a comfortable weight zone. Lift and carefully lower the weight through full the range described in training. Do three sets of 8 to 12 repetitions. The same with cardio: Start at about 12 minutes and slowly bring up the speed and length of time. The same for all cardio trainers, stair steppers, treadmills, cycles and rowers. Ease into it, set the machine below halfway and see what you can easily do before you start ramping it up.
5.. Unless you want that fresh "I never worked out a day in my life" look, go for sustainable workouts, ones you can repeat every other day. If you get up the next day and you hurt like hell you've overdone it. You've also just convinced yourself that working out hurts and eventually your body is going to win the argument that you should not do things that hurt. My motto: no pain - good! A good workout should have you feeling a little stiff once in awhile, but you'll be back. I've been in the gym over 2 years now and I've seen hundreds of people come and go and I can count on my 2 hands the number of people who still are there.
6.. Lastly, do it for you. Quit looking in the mirror you dumb poser, everybody just thinks you're an egotistical nut bag. Breath the air, feel the movements and try to understand the muscles you're using when you lift, (or run, bike, push, pull etcetera). The next time you move the sofa to vacuum or climb a ladder think about how much easier it is because you spent some time in the gym. That's the payoff. Trying to out macho the other guys at the gym by picking up too large a weight just makes you look like a fat undertrained dork. The pay off is personal. Recognize that and you will be a pleasant person in and out of the gym and your workouts will have a big effect on your self esteem.
Well I lost many readers with the third paragraph because they saw on the internet that they could be ripped and get that great 6 pack in only 3 weeks if they took a drug or did 3 easy workout recommendations (purchased for about 20 to 30 bucks). Good luck with that guys. Did you notice that the before and after examples of guys who did this were both equally as unpleasant before they got "ripped" as they were after? Somehow going from an angry marshmallow to an even angrier looking injured guy with a six pack set of abs really sort of misses the point doesn't it? Unless your goal is to be an evil man in a mask on the WWF channel, and those guys on WWF have real muscle tone and they'll kick your ass if you tell them you drank Bob's Super Goo to get muscles, just on basic principle. If it's too good to be true, it probably is.
Good luck. See you at the gym, and puh-lease, will you put the damn weights back on the rack when you're done? Your mama doesn't work here.
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